Waiting Is My Hell

I can measure love

in the smile that hides my fear.

Terrified that you will decide

that I shouldn’t be here…with you. 

After opening up my heart to the hope of us,

despite what I knew to be true and the warnings you gave.

Now, your happy self

doesn’t clue me in.

You say wait…and while we wait,

Let’s pretend.

Partners and friends;

Lovers but always just a guest.

Hang your clothes in my closet

and save the words that linger on your lips 

for drunken nights

when the gin is courage fire.

Making sure you don’t have to burden

your sober self with

I love you’s and relationships.

Waking in the morning,

I act as if it’s not everything I wish to hear from sober lips.

And I’m left with so much to desire

Waiting for forever to begin,

existing in Hell as I smile through the fear

of my heart breaking.

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