I can measure love
in the smile that hides my fear.
Terrified that you will decide
that I shouldn’t be here…with you.
After opening up my heart to the hope of us,
despite what I knew to be true and the warnings you gave.
Now, your happy self
doesn’t clue me in.
You say wait…and while we wait,
Partners and friends;
Lovers but always just a guest.
Hang your clothes in my closet
and save the words that linger on your lips
for drunken nights
when the gin is courage fire.
Making sure you don’t have to burden
your sober self with
I love you’s and relationships.
Waking in the morning,
I act as if it’s not everything I wish to hear from sober lips.
And I’m left with so much to desire
Waiting for forever to begin,
existing in Hell as I smile through the fear
of my heart breaking.