Hope lives where courage is found wanting.
For me it dwells in the moments
I leave empty
instead of filling the quiet
with thoughts I should speak on.
I allow for hope as long as I don’t ask
you for your honesty.
Knowing your answer will be
the wet fingers that staunch the flame on our match.
Raging against the hurt in privacy
I settle for inbetween
in place of the commitment that I need.
I settle for “not tonight”
in place of dates and consistency.
I settle for “wyd” at late hours
in place of the word “us” being said with a tone of normalcy.
The thought of being alone
less likely to scare me
than alone forever….
Less likely to hurt me
than knowing I wasn’t enough.
Never a cheap date
but always free for your company or phone call.
Rejection: everything that kills my voice
when courage seems to draw in a breath.
I will choke on my words
before they leave me
left wanting of your bed.