I’m trapped inside white walls
Where pictures could hang
Of smiling faces and school pictures
Of my growing son
Though I’ve never taken the hammer
And nail to the drywall of my apartment
So my walls lay bare
And I’m stuck inside staring
At the emptiness of my life
Wondering if I ever made the conscious
Choice to isolate myself
Or if I’ve always been a loner by right
No phone calls, unless you count my sister
And my mother
One calls because she loves me and
The latter because she misses my son’s laughter
I’m without a friend
If you don’t count my cousins
In times of disaster
When the family comes together
To support me when I find myself off balance
And I truly wish I lived closer to
My sister and her soon to be husband
Because their home is filled with laughter
I would be a bandit master
Coming over just to steal a piece of peace
Cuddling with their dogs
And smoking their pot when it is offered
Instead I’m shuttered in
My home without an animal
And I don’t smoke…so good times
Aren’t rolled into the perfect size
Inhaled through the heart and exhaled with a smile
Blinds drawn because the sunlight
Lies and beckons you outside
When the air is frigid
And this is the kind of shit
That makes me ache for the day
I move out of Michigan
But for now, I’m stuck in this position,
This disposition
I’m laying here on my couch
Wishing for a reason to write
So I write about how it’s cold outside
And my walls are frigid.
