To say I love you is a risk

I asked you a question

Meant to be rhetorical

And yet your answer to it

Made me pause

And reflect on my assumptions

What started as just a flirty statement

Made me think I’ve let us both down

Though I haven’t the courage to change it

“Have I ever told you how much you mean to me?”

You answered, “no”.

And then I replied with, “oh”.

I thought it had been obvious 

That you mean more to me 

Than the words that have left my lips

In the way I look at you

The sway of my hips

I couldn’t tell you, “I love you”

Not in that moment

And not in the next

You haven’t given me reason

To trust you with my heart just yet

No encouragement from you 

To share my vulnerabilities

I can’t run to you with my insecurities

And even though you have left every expectation clearly laid out in front of me

No complications

No dinner or movies

Just sex

I can’t help but look at you

Or smile when you fall asleep holding my hand

Mesmerised by the richness of your skin

The sweetness in your eyes

And the way your heart sounds in your chest

I think the world should see you

Through my lens

I need no encouragement to love you

Because you’re beautiful in all your imperfections

and I see a good man who deserves my patience

I relish your smiles 

And the way you kiss me so softly

As if it were really just a dream

No, I haven’t told you what you mean to me

And quite possibly I will never

Express myself so openly 

As I do on this paper

Which holds my heart

And bares my vulnerabilities

I will keep writing about you though

And someday, I hope that you will come to love me

And should you never find in me

What I have in you

at least I know that I loved you selflessly

Not needing any encouragement

Or promise from you

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