I died today
In the emptiness of now
The stillness of never
I received a hello message
from a past lover
Who still holds me in high esteem
As if he saw good in my heart
Though I faltered when he meant
To choose me
And yet I’m still, perfectly still
I replied but never as a lover
I’m dead as I wait for another
As I waited in never,
I heard from a past other
A man who has crushed on me
Since we were maybe 12 years old
He remembered how beautiful I was at 16
Reminisced about me being a mystifying teen
He regretted never taking a chance to kiss me
He told me I was his number one
highschool crush,
The girl of all girls he wished to love
And remembered the way my eyes
caught him like a snare
My piercing gaze genuine and fair
I would have had his attention
If only we were brave enough to mention
The pause that fluttered our hearts
When we passed each other in life
Now we are almost thirty
And he’s still beautiful,
I’m still something he finds special
But I died today in the stillness
Waiting for another
I smiled for the others
But it wasn’t real
I dreamed a dream of them loving me
As if love were actually real
I faltered still at the mention of a name
Which was really just a whisper
When he texted me just once or twice today
Not at all competing with the endless attention
From the well of men
Who may have had me
Had I not envied the woman who held his heart
