The Stillness of Never

I died today

In the emptiness of now

The stillness of never

I received a hello message

from a past lover

Who still holds me in high esteem

As if he saw good in my heart

Though I faltered when he meant 

To choose me

And yet I’m still, perfectly still

I replied but never as a lover

I’m dead as I wait for another

As I waited in never,

I heard from a past other

A man who has crushed on me 

Since we were maybe 12 years old

He remembered how beautiful I was at 16

Reminisced about me being a mystifying teen

He regretted never taking a chance to kiss me

He told me I was his number one

highschool crush,

The girl of all girls he wished to love

And remembered the way my eyes 

caught him like a snare

My piercing gaze genuine and fair

I would have had his attention 

If only we were brave enough to mention

The pause that fluttered our hearts

When we passed each other in life

Now we are almost thirty

And he’s still beautiful,

I’m still something he finds special

But I died today in the stillness

Waiting for another

I smiled for the others

But it wasn’t real

I dreamed a dream of them loving me

As if love were actually real

I faltered still at the mention of a name

Which was really just a whisper

When he texted me just once or twice today

Not at all competing with the endless attention

From the well of men

Who may have had me

Had I not envied the woman who held his heart

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