You are sweet to me when I lay underneath of you. 

Affectionate and careful to love

every part of my imperfect body

Holding me tight enough

That I begin to daydream about what could be blossoming between us

The minute I leave your bed,

I am full of questions

A taste in my mouth that feels like fear

Distrusting every time you smiled at me

Remembering every moment that 

you didn’t say “beautiful”

Counting every day that you didn’t call,

Every morning that you didn’t wake up next to me.

I put a gift back today,

I thought of you when I was out

A pair of boots I knew you wanted made me pause 

And without thinking, I placed them in my cart

Unconsciously taking action on feelings that I have no right to have

I came to my senses just before checkout

Reminding myself that you have given me nothing

Outside of a smile when I see you

A warm hug when you approach

and simple sex on days when being with me doesn’t inconvenience you

I find that I am hungry when you need me

And full from disappointment when you don’t.

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