You are sweet to me when I lay underneath of you.
Affectionate and careful to love
every part of my imperfect body
Holding me tight enough
That I begin to daydream about what could be blossoming between us
The minute I leave your bed,
I am full of questions
A taste in my mouth that feels like fear
Distrusting every time you smiled at me
Remembering every moment that
you didn’t say “beautiful”
Counting every day that you didn’t call,
Every morning that you didn’t wake up next to me.
I put a gift back today,
I thought of you when I was out
A pair of boots I knew you wanted made me pause
And without thinking, I placed them in my cart
Unconsciously taking action on feelings that I have no right to have
I came to my senses just before checkout
Reminding myself that you have given me nothing
Outside of a smile when I see you
A warm hug when you approach
and simple sex on days when being with me doesn’t inconvenience you
I find that I am hungry when you need me
And full from disappointment when you don’t.
