Gin and Tonic

I’ve been drinking

And thinking

Contemplating

Running through my thoughts

Kinda feeling crazy

Wondering about me

And where I ought to be

Thinking about him

And how far away he is emotionally

Another gulp of gin and tonic

Head feeling lighter, though the pain seems chronic

I’m like a child that never learns

Laying in bed thinking about my behaviors

Canceling out all my wins

Focusing on the failures

Feeling like a sudden cessation of power

A disaster less self aware than a narcissistic mother

Plastered in this alcohol

In this game of life that keeps building up a wall

I can’t break it down

Periodically adding bricks as if my job is to lay it down

In front of me

Blocking my path to success in spite of me

Drinking down the liquor as if it carries me

Showing no sign of texting him if he isn’t texting me

Playing the dumb bitch who wants sex with he

Asking him over as if he would follow me

Knowing he ain’t coming because…well look at me

My curves aren’t enough to beckon thee

My words aren’t sweet enough to sugar coat my feelings

I drink it down because he ain’t gonna like the way these verses read

Go ahead and lie as if you think of me…

I’ve been rehearsing

I don’t give a fuck, no apology.

I’m drunk enough to tell you

That I won’t fuck with you

Unless you got me

My man better be in my corner mentally and physically

Worrying about my needs and my wants respectfully

Loving me

Gin and tonic

Now he’s calling, how ironic

Think he misses my mouth on his man hose

My words on his ego

Reacting to his feelings like they are my flow

Because of the way his smile glows

In this game of quid pro quo

Chaos creating love when it shouldn’t be

I should have stayed in bed wondering…

Now I’m alone in his arms like I couldn’t be

anything but his boo thing

At least that’s what he calls me

Jamie….babe…baby….booty call

And this gin and tonic bringing me back to the wall

Carrying me

Embracing love that will never be

Glass always half empty

Pouring me another

Gin and tonic.

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