I took a second shower today,
Just to get rid of your smell.
I must be going crazy
because my nostrils still picked up your scent from two days ago
I laughed at your humor,
Not deeply, just politely.
I smiled and met your eyes because that’s the real me…
Looking past your flesh and wondering,
What makes you hungry?
I let you inside of me,
With no price paid.
Not a dinner bought or sweet thought whispered in my ear
Hell, you didn’t even call me pretty
Yet you moaned inside of my mouth
Your fingers tangled in my hair
Kisses soft on my neck
You made love to my body
And never introduced yourself to my soul.
My loneliness still present as you rolled your hips back and forth
Knowing that even a good man like you would never pay for a free meal
Letting you eat from an empty plate,
I gave you all of me and none of me
I let you hold me after,
Your arm heavily draped around me,
Your sleep curiously deep as if we were lovers,
As if we had known each other much longer,
More intimately than just lonely acquaintances
Who happened to cross each other’s path.
Just like last time,
I laid awake all night,
Listening to your soft snores,
Periodically running my hands on your bare skin
Open hearted to your humanness,
To your imperfections
Yet finding not a speck of longing in me
Not a goosebump to be had.
I didn’t sneak out like the first time,
And the kiss goodbye wasn’t so awkward as the second time,
But I drove away in the same emptiness
The same blank mind
Fleetingly wondering if you realized that you should have called me pretty.
Followed by the honest sigh,
The truth that I meant to love you,
if only for a heartfelt goodbye.