A Second Shower

I took a second shower today,

Just to get rid of your smell.

I must be going crazy

because my nostrils still picked up your scent from two days ago

………………..

I laughed at your humor, 

Not deeply, just politely.

I smiled and met your eyes because that’s the real me…

Looking past your flesh and wondering,

What makes you hungry?

I let you inside of me,

With no price paid.

Not a dinner bought or sweet thought whispered in my ear

Hell, you didn’t even call me pretty

Yet you moaned inside of my mouth

Your fingers tangled in my hair

Kisses soft on my neck

You made love to my body

And never introduced yourself to my soul.

My loneliness still present as you rolled your hips back and forth

Knowing that even a good man like you would never pay for a free meal

Letting you eat from an empty plate,

I gave you all of me and none of me

I let you hold me after,

Your arm heavily draped around me,

Your sleep curiously deep as if we were lovers,

As if we had known each other much longer,

More intimately than just lonely acquaintances

Who happened to cross each other’s path. 

Just like last time,

I laid awake all night,

Listening to your soft snores,

Periodically running my hands on your bare skin

Open hearted to your humanness, 

To your imperfections

Yet finding not a speck of longing in me

Not a goosebump to be had.

I didn’t sneak out like the first time,

And the kiss goodbye wasn’t so awkward as the second time,

But I drove away in the same emptiness

The same blank mind

Fleetingly wondering if you realized that you should have called me pretty.

Followed by the honest sigh,

The truth that I meant to love you,

if only for a heartfelt goodbye.

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